Stage Fright

Oh hello. It’s been a long time. I ran out of steam after chronicling my entire music career last year. Couldn’t get myself interested in writing this blog for a long time. The existential dread of the pandemic became everyday, run of the mill dread - and with that I lost motivation to write in this way. I guess the two things were intrinsically tied together for a time. This blog post started as a Facebook status update, but the longer it got - the more I thought I should just knock the dust off of my blog and put it here. 

Masks are coming off in America, half of the populous is still small minded, selfish and awful. Business is coming back. I can go to the vaccinated-only bar up the street and belly up. I’m getting ready to get on a plane again. There’s too much to cover, honestly. So I’ll start where I left off.

By the time I play my next - not yet booked show, it will likely have been almost two years since my last one. When I moved to LA in Feb 2020 and covid was starting to hit, I was already accepting far fewer show offers and was generally worn out from two+ decades of relentlessly getting after it. Part of that was being based in a city that isn’t big enough to sustain a music career if you’re not touring a lot or playing covers - and the older I got, the less interested in grinding on the road for guts and glory I became. I was completely over going through all of the work involved with planning an event for minimal ROI, or accepting a booking that didn’t pay enough to be worth the effort. I’ve done this too long to play for pennies and fucking half price beers anymore. The devaluation of artists is real, and I am keenly aware of how quickly tastes and trends evolve, and how irrelevant an aging rapper can become if he’s slow to meet the moment (✋🏼).

But the other part of it was a desire to focus on writing and artist development, among other things. I’m doing that now, although the past year has certainly presented a lot of challenges both emotionally and logistically. I still don’t miss performing live as much as I thought I might. That said, I’m almost positive that the charge I’ll get the moment I step onto a stage again will remind me what I love about it. I don’t know why I’m posting this, but I don’t keep a journal and I have basically abandoned my blog (that I hope to get back to more quasi-regularly at some point), so here you go. 

I’m making a new album with Earthworms that I can’t wait for you all to hear. It bangs hard. I miss my Pirates family a lot and really want to perform with them again later this year if the (love and) planets align. I’m writing a new album with Stephen Favazza aka Hands and Feet for a project that definitely strays from my long running hip hop comfort zone and veers into some pretty adventurous lanes. I’m writing pop songs I hope I can sell and/or license. I’m working with my friends out here to build a music company that’s equitable and hopefully profitable for everyone on our roster. I’m working for an incredible Hard Kombucha / seltzer company, spreading the gospel of organic better-for-you alcoholic beverages and spearheading its growth in the country’s most competitive market. I’m planning events and sponsorships with established and wildly successful LA based artists and studios. I’m also about to finish the epic and enormous Witcher 3 game + expansion packs on Xbox - which might be the most impressive thing I’ve written here. 

But after expressing all of this to the Internet void, I do look forward to stepping onto a stage somewhere in St. Louis with my friends and turning a party the fuck out. I hope that happens this year. I also hope to do the same thing in LA. I’m not done yet. I’m not retired from performing, even though it has felt that way on occasion over the last year and a half. I’ll never play live with the frequency I used to unless significant money is involved (if it don’t make dollars, it don’t make sense), but I do still love it. And I love you, St. Louis. I also love my home out here in the year-round sunshine. As everyone navigates this crazy, transitional period of time - I wish you all glad tidings and much love. I often default to darkness and curmudgeonly instincts and don’t express love enough. Maybe that’s why I typed all of this out. Anyway, now I feel like I need to balance this bullocks by listening to punk rock and killing digital monsters with a magic digital sword. It feels good to write something other than lyrics again. Until next time. ✌🏼