Ain't No Sunshine
Keeping my energy right is not only a daily challenge, but an hourly one. Bad dreams plus waking up to the news of Bill Withers' passing, as well as the "informed delivery" email from USPS - showing me that another day is going by without word on whether or not I will be getting any unemployment - has all conspired to put me in a deep funk. Easy to do in this climate. Easy to give this feeling all the space it needs to stretch out in my susceptible mind and guide me through everything I do today under a wet blanket of despair. I might be in an even darker place today, had my lovely niece Emma not video chatted me this morning. She brought a smile to my face at a crucial juncture.
I'm almost out of coffee and creamer. This cannot stand, so I'll need to go to the store this weekend and get those things, along with our growing grocery list that I can't afford. I don't trust that the Cali Dept of Joblessness got the fax with my application for unemployment benefits, or that I will be approved due to the short time I worked before The Fall, but in an effort to make sure I try everything I can try - I'll need to go to Fed-Ex Office today and print out the application so I can put it in the mail. Why do I need to do that? Funny you should ask. My printer has decided to TAKE A WHOLE SHIT and not communicate with my laptop via wireless internet (like it used to before I needed it for something extremely important). I don't have a proper usb-to-usb cable, nor does my laptop have an ethernet port. The universe can really fuck right off with this bullshit. I am aware that many of you out there are experiencing your own flavor of artisan shit sandwiches, but this one is mine.
I am fortunate that my girlfriend is still able to work remotely for the time being. The money she has coming in is keeping this ship afloat. I am feeling restless about having to rely on her for survival at the moment, and I'm feeling rage that our government is more inadequate by the minute. I am due to be back at work April 20th, but I think anyone reading this knows that's an extremely optimistic and unlikely projection, due to the fact that this shit is getting worse and is going to stay worse before it gets any better. Luckily, we live in a state with progressive and action oriented leadership. The Governor and the Mayor of LA have been first to implement stay at home orders, closing parks, berating idiots who continue to gather, and communicating to the populace regularly. The state I moved here from, good ol' Missourah, is the opposite. The bumpkin in charge there still has yet to issue a stay at home order. He's a tried and true bootstraps Republican from a small town, who has no idea how to govern a state with six million people in it. Fucking. Moron.
We need to get these frustratingly dim and stubborn, driven by religion (or the idea of religion) Republicans the fuck out of office. This crisis has really exposed what those of us who pay even the smallest amount of attention already knew. These assholes don't care about the people of this country, nor are they in any way equipped to provide even the most baseline leadership during a world changing pandemic. They are entirely beholden to the almighty corporate dollar, in bed with the slimiest lobbyists, and will remain this way until they mercifully retire or get voted out, or the geriatric rural folks who don't miss elections can't physically go vote. I am seething that the Trump administration fucking cancelled the pandemic early-warning program - responsible for and successful at identifying new novel coronaviruses - months before this all jumped off. Middle of the road Democrats are barely better, but here we are at the lesser of two evils crossroads again. It's never been more important to vote for progressive law makers. Fear cannot guide this election cycle. Fear that Bernie Sanders is a scary socialist (USE YOUR BRAINS MY GOD). There is a reason nobody in Washington likes him. He doesn't buy into party lines. That's a good thing, not a bad thing. We need disruption in a major way. We also need to get younger. I'm looking at you, AOC.
Ranting feels good. Getting grievances off my chest feels good. My hope is that I can find a way to bring a little sunshine into this forum, but desperate times often call for lots of yelling at clouds before they part and make way for the light. Above all other things, I keep it really real. Thanks for sticking with me here. I'm going to keep this one short because I don't feel good about dragging anyone else through this pool of negativity I'm swimming laps in today. Time for yoga. Time for breathing. It's the only thing I feel like I can currently control right now.
The song I've attached needs no explanation. Take care of yourself and do something selfish and fun today. Or don't. Just keep breathing.