Be Here Now

Stress dreams, man.  Almost every night.  My time in bed used to be effortless bliss. Even if I had questionable dreams at night before the current flavor of humanity's fall took hold, chances are I wouldn't remember them. Now, however, I remember the horrors my mind is capable of conjuring in darkness with inescapable precision and detail. Last night's adventure bore witness to a cocksure fellow named Steve getting beaten to what probably ended up being death. Thrown around like a rag doll by another gentleman we'll call The United States Government - or Useless Fucking Piece of Shit (his presumed nickname). I'll spare you the nitty grittys, but it was wholly disturbing and as sunny as it is in LA today, I'm under a cloud because of it. Side note - I'm out of gummies and I need to remedy that ASA-goddamn-P.

So yeah. Sleeping is even a challenge right now. This is a new development in my life. I sleep harder than people in the STL rap scene act on social media. One thing about this lockdown and all of the circumstances and uncertainty that lead to it, is the radical re-wiring of our fragile psyches.
Certainty. It's almost a completely unfamiliar concept right now. Honestly speaking, an enforced and complete lockdown (i.e. martial law) wouldn't be the worst thing in the world at this point. I am at my very core - a sworn enemy of oppression. Conversely, peoples' capacity for utter stupidity and selfishness that is currently on display is so infuriating, that I would actually like to see their "secret parties" and terribly misguided church congregations and stupid fucking backyard BBQ's get SHUT THE FUCK DOWN by scary people with weapons and gas masks. These defiant kids out here continuing to hang out with their friends in person, their parents who allow it to happen, the grown adults crowding park trails, the handful of restaurants who are allowing people to go inside and line up to get takeout - all of them need to be shut down. The millions of us who are out of work and doing our part to flatten the curve by not being defiant little assholes while thousands of people are dying can't sustain this forever. Why is this so difficult to understand for some people?

While I was typing that last sentence, I remembered that millions of people actually walked into a voting booth and thought it was perfectly fine to fill in the box next to Donald Trump's name, despite the oblivion the ENTIRE WORLD knew he'd send us all into. So I guess I'm not surprised after all. If you didn't know where I stood on this matter before, let me be perfectly clear - Anyone who voted for that sub intelligent megalomaniac deserves to choke on the chalky ass apple pie they thought they were getting by doing such a stupid, short sighted, hateful, unforgivable thing. Ok, I don't want you to choke per se, but I do want you to think about what you've done. Literally anyone else would be handling that office with a damn sight more grace and bedside manner than Dr. Orange does with this historic and befuddling display of mismanagement and arrogance. Anyone with half a brain or any fucks to give about marginalized people, their own mothers and sisters and wives, or the world as a whole knew how this was going to go. Obviously the president isn't the only cog in the machine, but I'd sooner take Mitch McConnell's diabolical frog neck as the leader du jour over this train wreck we have right now. At least he wouldn't be TWEETING about his TV RATINGS during the biggest world wide health crisis in our generation. Oh but Hillary's emails!

I digress. I don't even like typing that fucker's name and I always feel bad about adding to the already unwieldy amount of negativity in the air, but emotions run high in a pandemic. I have a brother on the front lines as a paramedic, and plenty of family and friends with health concerns that make this situation as scary as it could possibly be. I have no time to show sympathy towards stupidity and ignorance. My hope is that enough people feel the same way I do come November.

Back to the here and now. I run with a lot of artist types and I, myself am an artist as well. Words and rhythms are my medium, but I personally know all sorts. I haven't been entirely unproductive during quarantine, but the content I've created hasn't come in the form I'd envisioned. For example, instead of pouring myself into writing songs and making shit happen with my existing musical projects at a furious pace, I'm writing a blog and making beginner ass beats on the Koala app. I've made two so far. Grammy forthcoming.
I've found that the current and fluid re-wiring of my psyche has lead my creative brain down different paths and I haven't had the inner juice to write a bunch of lyrics, save for the eight bars I wrote last week. I know a lot of creators out there aren't creating much at all. Instead their focus is on various things like staying safe and speaking some sense to their communities. Everything in our universe is thrown off course, and with that comes the unfurling of comfortable thought patterns and processes that result in the art we manifest when we're not caught in the Upside Down. I'm not here to give some sort of unsolicited advice to anyone regarding how their creative minds are wrapping themselves around this time of crisis, but I'll at least say that it's perfectly ok to not feel inspired right now. I'll also encourage those of you who are struggling to express that energy to think outside of your bubble and consider other ways of getting it out. Even if that means learning how to fluidly switch hands while masturbating, or becoming a master at folding a fitted sheet - you have options.

Part of staying relatively "sane" through this is being mindful of how we express our various energies. Give a monkey a brain and he'll think he's the center of the universe - until the universe turns inside out and lacks a distinguishable center to firmly plant one's self into. Gotta stay woke. Gotta keep breathing. And to those of you who are finding ways to climb this mountain and create something beautiful, I can't wait to hear/see/touch it. Keep those live streams coming. Let's keep having drinks via Facetime. Cook the meals and don't wear anything under that apron.

Ok, I've gone far enough for today. Possibly too far. But there really aren't rules anymore so yolo I guess. Much love and thank you for reading. Until next time.

**PS - I'm going to start including songs I like in these blog posts.  Some will be songs I've recorded myself, some will be my friends, some will just be songs I like that fit the moment. The one I've attached here is a new Earthworms song (yes, my band) called "Falling Down" - ft. Capo and Nani and produced by Buzzkill.  It's timely.  Enjoy.

Earthworms - "Falling Down" ft. Capo & Nani


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